I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
