She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it penis luge time yet?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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