someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
