I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
