apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I love having hate sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
