my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
