i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
