"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
