Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
