My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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