Those balls look pretty dangerous.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
