She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fuck appropriateness.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
