I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
