If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
