On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
