Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
