his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
