you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
