shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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