The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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