God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
