i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
