i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
