i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
