watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm always down for nudity.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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