No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
