So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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