his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
