Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
