Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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