And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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