Someone shit on the floor
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
