i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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