The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
