weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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