Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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