I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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