I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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