Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
