Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
