tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
