Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
