Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
