I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
