Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
