sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
