careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
