dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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