So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
