I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
