Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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