toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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